You Made Me
by Nicole Berman
Summary: AlexLiv fic. Sometimes you need to be reminded of what's important.


Olivia crept into the living room, unwilling to disturb Alex's work time. They had a clear-cut agreement: between six and eight every weeknight was "work time". Each did paperwork or caught up on reports for their respective jobs. Neither was allowed to bother the other, and there were only three exceptions to that rule: a) you're bleeding, b) you're dying or c) both parties agree to forgo "work time" for "cuddle time". 

Normally, work time meant absolute silence in the Cabot-Benson household, but not tonight. Alex had taken a phone call and with every passing moment, her voice grew minutely louder. After twenty minutes, Olivia could no longer concentrate on her stack of unfinished reports, and ventured into the living room. 

Alex met her lover's eyes and sighed silently. She snapped off another comment and finished with, "Mom, as much as I'd love to continue this conversation, I have work to do. Goodnight. No. Goodnight." Hanging up the phone, Alex tossed it onto the couch and headed for the comfort of Olivia's arms. 

"What's the problem now?" Olivia asked softly. She held Alex close with one arm and rubbed her girlfriend's back with her free hand. 

"My *mother*," Alex spat. "Yet another of Madame Cabot's lectures to the socially unfit." 

Olivia shook her head, unable to believe that a college-educated, well-bred woman like Cassandra Cabot could be such a bigoted hate-monger, especially toward her own daughter. "She's wrong, you know." 

"I know." But Alex's voice trembled; she sounded ready to cry. 

"Allie," Olivia murmured, her heart breaking for the other woman. "Your mother is completely off-base. You and I are good for each other," she continued, her voice tender. "Neither of us *made* the other gay. We're just two lucky people who happened to find a compatible mate." Olivia smiled slightly, tilting her head and kissing Alex's cheek. 

Alex nodded, not completely convinced. Her family had always been the thorn in her side, preventing her from being completely happy with Olivia. Half of her knew she had to stop letting them, but the other half felt impossibly helpless. That half was the side that craved Olivia's arms whenever her mother called. Not releasing the brunette, Alex leaned back slightly and eyed her girlfriend. "Thanks," she said simply. 

"Anytime," Olivia said, squeezing her in a gentle hug. "Anything else I can do to help?" 

Thinking for a moment, Alex shook her head. "I'm going to finish up my paperwork and go take a long, hot shower." She brushed her lips across Olivia's before pulling away reluctantly. 

"Okay," Olivia agreed. "I've got stuff to finish." She headed out of the room, only glancing back to say, "I love you, Alex." 

"I love you, too." 

An hour and a half later, Olivia had finished her reports and was cleaning up the kitchen. Somewhere in the background, she heard the rush of the shower stop suddenly. Giving Alex ten minutes to get dried off and dressed in her pajamas, Olivia then collected a few items and headed through the living room and into the bedroom. Rather than knock on the bathroom door, she sat down on the bed. 

When Alex finally emerged from the bathroom, she let out a soft gasp. "Olivia," she murmured. The anger and frustration faded from her eyes, quickly replaced by shining affection. "Olivia," Alex repeated softly, approaching the woman with a gentle smile. She cupped her girlfriend's face, bending down to kiss her gently. 

Wrapping her arms around Alex's waist, Olivia shrugged, blushing slightly. "I just wanted to make you feel better," she explained plaintively, inhaling the delicate aroma of jasmine and gardenia that trailed her beautiful lover like a scented cloak. Without moving her left arm, Olivia reached behind her with the other and pressed a button on the remote. The CD player clicked on and the music seemed to flow with the rhythm of the dancing candles that imbibed the room with an intoxicatingly romantic glow. 

Rising to her feet, Olivia reached for Alex's hand. "Dance with me?" she asked tentatively. "If you want to, I mean..." 

"I'd love to, sweetheart." Alex practically fell into Olivia's embrace, resting her head on the brunette's shoulder. They swayed to the music, each one lost in her own thoughts. 

One song ended and the second began, but neither woman moved from their comfortabl embrace. Olivia began to sing along, almost as if she didn't realize she were doing it. 

"If you ever, ever leave me...life will go on, stars will still be...bright as diamonds in the sky now...even if you said goodbye now..." 

Alex's heart tensed in her chest, stopping entirely, she was sure, before it started to pound, resonating in her ears. 

"Oh, oh, the clock wouldn't stop, no...That sun would still keep shining down...and this world would still be spinning round...But baby there would be...just no living without loving you...How would I ever survive?" Olivia didn't look up at her lover. She realized she was singing but didn't want to stop. She knew if she met Alex's eyes, she'd start to cry or be compelled to kiss the woman dancing in her gentle grasp, and either would mean she'd have to stop singing to Alex. And if she stopped, her beautiful sweetheart would never know how deeply she felt about her, because Olivia didn't have the words of her own to express it. "If you ever walked out this door...what would I have left to live for? What would there be to do now? What would I be without you, now?" Her voice fading away, Olivia let the CD finish singing for her. She settled for catching Alex's gaze and holding it tight, as tight as her arms held the other woman's frame to her own. 

The song ended and as a third came up, Olivia shook her head. She broke their embrace for the shortest of seconds, reaching back to the remote and skipping a track. 

"If I never knew you, if I never felt this love...I would have no inkling of how precious life can be...And If I never held you, I would never have a clue...how at last I find in you, the missing part of me..." Olivia sang softer now, fully aware of the emotions she was expressing. "In this world so full of fears, full of rage and lies...I can see the truth so clear, in your eyes...so dry your eyes, I'm so grateful to you...I'd have lived my whole life through...lost forever, if I never knew you." Olivia paused, and as the instrumentals began to sing their own song, she whispered, "I love you, Alex." 

Alex's throat caught as she murmured, "I love you, too, baby." Her hand automatically cupped Olivia's cheek in a familiar gesture, drawing their lips together for a delicate kiss. She felt her resolve strengthening with every passing moment. With an embarrassed smile, she began to sing back to Olivia, the words of 'their' song coming easily from her memory. "If I never knew you, I'd be safe, but half as real...never knowing I could feel a love so strong and true...Oh, I thought our love would be so beautiful...   
somehow we'd make the whole world bright...I never thought that fear and hate could be so strong...all they'd leave us were these whispers in the night..." Alex paused for a second, hearing her mother's vicious diatribe. *She made you this way. It's her fault you're...*this* way.* Alex cleared her throat and continued with the song, her voice not more than a whisper now. "But still my heart is saying we were right...If I never knew you, I'd have lived my whole life through...empty as the sky, never knowing why...lost forever, if I never knew you..." She trailed off, her other hand joining the first as she tugged Olivia closer, engaging her in a long, appreciative kiss in the candlelight. Only one thought floated through her mind. 

*Yes, Mother. She made me *this* way. She's made me happy.* 

THE END 

Musical Notes: No Living Without Loving You - Celine Dion  
If I Never Knew You - Disney


End file.
